Insomnia again Kept up by fantasies and broken promises Kept up by past mistakes Haunted by bad decisions I've made I don't wanna sleep I don't wanna sleep When I close my eyes My world goes black Lose my grid on reality Can't stop the demons from attacking I don't wanna sleep I don't wanna sleep

Another night crying myself to bed Another night swearing worn out promises Another night wishing I was dead But telling myself that there's so much to live for When the things you read Become real And the lies you hear Are knocking at your door It takes just a second To process it But it takes ages just to feel it You're in a hopeless situation But you wanna see the bright side So you'll turn on the lights And pray for a sign But it doesn't feel alright You wanna think the future is better And wrap yourself in a too big sweater Disappear and make everyone forget you I know it's true Another day another fucking mental breakdown Waking up to hate my life Holding back trials and tribulations Wondering why I even try to survive Cuz when the things you read Become real And the lies you hear Are knocking at your door It takes just a second To process it But it takes ages just to feel it You're in a hopeless situation But you wanna see the bright side So you'll turn on the lights And pray for a sign But it doesn't feel alright You wanna think the future is better And wrap yourself in a too big sweater Disappear and make everyone forget you I know it's true Estradiol Change my body Make it who I want to be In my image Smooth me out And help me see The girl inside me I've been stuck in the vessel for too long Outdated Insecure And I can't go on Something's gotta give and it ain't helping That I gotta break my by back to be perceived Estradiol Change my body Make it who I want to be In my image Smooth me out And help me see The girl inside me And it's hard to believe That you're a few weeks away And all my dreams have led up to this day Hopeless nights But hopeful mornings Healing starts today

Started out as a stan account Didn't think much of it Making jokes with other fans About Twenty One Pilots Share theories night and day As the clock would tick away Stalk all my favorite bands Didn't know there was a community of other girls like me Hype each other up And share GoFundMes It's pretty sweet To escape into that blue app Of hot takes and weirdly formatted emojis But mostly it's nice to be A girl on Twitter Minors do not interact Cuz it ain't safe for work But Laura Jane Grace followed me back Found other musicians Without similar taste I'll quote retweet and hope they notice me It's pretty sweet To escape into that blue app Of hot takes and weirdly formatted emojis But mostly it's nice to be A girl on Twitter

I'm a control freak Always have been I'm feeling depressed or maybe manic I cannot sit still Tic when I'm anxious Something's gotta give Cuz I'm losing it Working to open my mind And change perspective Apologized I'm still trying to figure it out Hope you can see that Hope I don't relapse Cuz part of me's just Scared that I'm Falling back into old habits I said Falling Can't catch my breath Cuz I don't know where I'm going Falling back into old habits I said Falling Can't predict the future Can't be too sure My insecurities cloud my judgement I recognize that my thoughts are unhealthy Rationalize it It's time to feel it Stop getting in your own damn way The world is changing Even if you don't like it Get with the times Or they'll leave you behind Stop being anxious Just take a deep breath And let the current carry you away You stay stuck and bitter Your life won't get much better Push all the fear aside Just try to live your life Cuz otherwise you're trapped in a cycle CBT get that shit out of me Lizard brain And a hairpin trigger Snap at anyone Won't give you what you want It's time to compromise Or else you're Falling back into old habits I said Falling Can't catch my breath Cuz I don't know where I'm going Falling back into old habits I said Falling Can't predict the future Can't be too sure

I wanna be you But no one fuckin wants me to They think they understand me But it's a lie I wanna be you But no one fuckin wants me to They think I'm someone else But it's a fiction Gender Envy Gender Envy I wants curves and soft skin To shave my legs and be all smooth and shit To break hearts when I sway my hips Woah And you embody all those things That makes me want to buy you a ring But I'm not sure if I want you or I wanna be you But no one fuckin wants me to They think I'm someone else But it's a fiction I wanna be you But no one fuckin wants me to They think that I'm crazy Against religion Cuz I wanna be you I wanna be you I get so jealous You can wear a dress When I would be scorned and told to stop Wanna grow my hair Have it down to there Without people telling me it looks like a mop I wanna be you Want your body type I'll take the cellulite And all the cat calls I wanna be you Not to glorify I just wish I was seen The same as you I wanna be you

Just got out the shower Going to therapy Kind of excited What does that say about my life? About my life. It's Bandcamp Friday What does that say about us As a culture? It's become an impromptu holiday "Oh, thank you cooperations for not stealing my money for one Friday of the month" Yeah. Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo This is just stream of consciousness Over 2 chords Capo on the second fret I don't know what I'm actually playing There's an A minor shape And an open A shape minus the last finger It makes this sound Maybe I'll switch it up This is stream of consciousness before I go off to therapy This is stream of consciousness before I go and spill the beans This is stream of consciousness I don't have anything planned This is stream of consciousness

i want a ufo tattoo i know it's out of the blue but can you blame me? for being impulsive I'm still a kid I guess sheltered but curious anxious of the outcome but that makes it more fun standing in line waiting my turn hope I don't die hope I don't burn panic floods my brain lion's out of it cage I'm standing up head held high oh my god what if I die my stomach hurts i think I'll bail then obsess over it later i want a ufo tattoo i know it's out of the blue but can you blame me? for being impulsive I'm still a kid I guess Selfish and curious Learning I have autonomy Over my body Standing in line Waiting my turn Hope I don't die Hope I don't burn Panic floods my brain I've waiting all day I'm standing up Head held Oh god what if my mother sees This new tattoo What do I do How do I explain this to her?

I hope your children end up gay I hope your children end up trans I hope that they use neopronouns I hope that it makes you mad I hope they're openly queer With rainbow flags in their rooms I hope they have multiple partners And they're not scared to hide from you You need a reality check Since you tried to tear down mine You need to experience firsthand What it's like to live my life Your ignorance is fuckin stupid You've got enough kids too Statistically a couple of your older boys Like to suck a dick or two I hope your children end up gay I hope your children end up trans I hope that they use neopronouns I hope that it makes you mad And when they finally come out You'll lecture them about their choices Guess who'll be there to give them love And give them a bed when they run away from you Your ignorance is fuckin stupid You've got enough kids too Statistically a couple of your girls Wanna touch a tit or two

I'm a city girl Used to the trains I know the L the A the C the D and F Lived in Times Square For a for a New York Minute I know the Empire State West 4th And Union Square And that's about all I know (The sidewalk is what I call home) I've never seen more than 5 inches of snow Haven't ever lived anywhere else Sure your other states might be nice All your landmarks and plateaus seem fine I'll just stay here with all the rats The roaches and I eat McDonald's And split the rent It's only 3k a month And sure the heatings broken I can barely afford lunch But I've got $2.75 And coffee in hand Jump the turnstyle and give it to a homeless man I'm a city girl that's all I'll ever be I'm a city girl that's all I'll ever be I'm a city girl that's all I'll ever be I'm a city girl that's all I'll ever be If I'm being honest The South scares me Take your Blue Lives Matter flags and let me be All the Walmarts and Trump bumper stickers Drive throughs, swamps and alligators Travel 15 miles to get some bread I'm a city girl I don't know anything Where's my bodega? Need baconeggandcheese If I don't have my metro card I won't go far If I don't have my metro card I won't go far (Solo) I'm like the weeds in the concrete I don't grow Because this grimy fuckin city's all I really know Trapped by convenience But love it all the same Graffiti walls and abandoned buildings call my name Like my wildlife fabricated and policed Not by the NYPD Fuck 12 They're petty Tore down the mountains So we could sunbathe in the park Central Park is an illusion they keep that bit in the dark I'm a city girl I love it all the same And when I play music All of Brooklyn knows my name I'm a city girl it can't be all that bad Think that NYC is pretty fuckin rad

She dreams of being an artist Just like all of the other punk rockers She dreams of changing the world Just like everyone else in the scene She's not original Not really She wants dyed hair and facial piercings Fitting into a counterculture She's always admired But to do that she recognizes Opportunities pass her by She's gotta put it all on the line But to do that she realized She's gotta trust her talent She can't Have a backup plan Breakin away from the mold From the daily rise and grind Wandering pretty aimlessly Without money to survive She went on tour With all her anarchist buddies Paid for the gas with a hand job in the back of a van She could have had a masters Stable job and a five year plan But she's flying by the seat of her pants Taking life One day at a time It's freeing But late at night She wonders "What if I led a normal life" Who would I be? And she lived life to the fullest Had every drug up her nose Snorted or injected Tried everything she wanted to She feels fulfilled It's killing you That she didn't have an unhappy ending Busked for change and she shortly got arrested Bailed by her friends who crashed on her couch back in Oakland She didn't need a backup plan

When I was a kid I'd make my eyes blurry Pretend I was a camera trying To autofocus If I do it now I'm neurodivergent A product of wokeness Vaccines and insurgents Sucked into my phone Like every other person Life is so mundane When no one has spoken If I say it now Someone will retweet it Privacy's a thing of the past and the wealthy I want to Close my eyes Meditate to another life Bend my elbow Say I'm double jointed And everyone thinks that it's neat No one's impressed It's all on the internet Don't really care If you don't post about it Everything is cropped Contained to the pixels I want to break free So blow up the missiles If I complain Will I get views Will people shut me down? If I stay sane Will I be relevant Always chasing the next high We're all addicted We all circuitboards Consuming the media Until we snore When my phone dies I forget to be human Don't look at me I'm fragile and broken And hopelessly devoted to you With your big bright screen And RGB hue My darling device My blue light boo When I was a kid I'd make my eyes blurry Now I'm on my camera Tap the screen to focus I'm neurodivergent A product of wokeness I should make a livestream So people will notice

Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop will save us The city's flooded Whirlpools in Times Square Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop Will hunt down and sedate us To shut it off We'll toss it into the tracks I'm sorry the A train's delayed We're paying $2.90 to feed the greedy state And all our money Goes to beat cops To give them AR15's Tanks and riot gear to crush our dreams (I imagine there's a harmonica solo in this space) Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop will save us While Mayor Adams Bulldozes homeless encampments Oh Rumbacop Oh Rumbacop They're in all our train stations If that's not bad enough There's robot dogs Watch the joints if you want to shut it off There's a button behind it to get the limbs to stop Pull the lever Underneath to get the battery out We'll take our city back from these fuckin clowns Because they rather let us fucking drown Arrest buskers for tryna to make a buck These new york politicians fuckin suck

What if anything stays? And does it even really matter? We build up these lives for time to wash them away Why don't you take a break? Take things a little less seriously Break down and reinvent yourself Cause if God is out there watching on a big golden chair And running their fingers through their hair I don't think they'd mind a little anarchy So why don't we shake things up a little? Always what to wear "Tattoos aren't professional" You corporate fucks need to loosen up a little All these structures we create The universe will masticate Grinding all your bank accounts to dust Cause if God is out there watching on a big golden chair And running their fingers through their hair I don't think they'd mind a little anarchy So why don't we shake things up a little? So quit your job Stop paying taxes There's so much more to life than just a paycheck Working day and working night Spilling blood over what we think is right None of that shit matters when we die Cause if God is out there watching on a big golden chair And running their fingers through their hair I don't think they'd expect a little anarchy So come with me Let's shake things up together

Misgender me My eyes They'll bleed And bleed And bleed No sympathy Watch as I walk into the sea I feel the waves I'll let high tides wash me away I feel no pain There's always memories of yesterday Misgender me My skeleton belongs to the sea Me and the ocean floor are one I didn't even need a gun Call me My name You'd spare yourself the tears and pain I was so vain It doesn't matter it's too late Misgender me My skeleton belongs to the sea Me and the ocean floor are one I didn't even need a gun *Solo* Misgender me My skeleton belongs to the sea But if you were just kind Then I'd be yours and you'd be mine.